it was my ex's birthday. at the time we were still together. i was so broke, i had a little over $20 to last me a week and a half until it was my next pay day. i tried to budget my money so i could buy her a gift, but money was so tight i couldn't afford more than what i had in my pocket. so i made her a home made birthday card, and decided to make her a cake. i didn't have the ingredients in my cupboards, so i had to go to the store to get them.
when i arrived i felt like i was walking into a casino for the first time - unsure if my money was about to be spent on something that could turn me out as a loser. i kept walking forward, determined to do something, at least, to acknowledge my loves day of birth.
i don't recall the order in which i obtained the ingredients, but i will never forget this moment in time for the rest of my life because of the elderly man that passed by me. it was the first isle, and he was slightly bent forward. he was very short and had gray hair. he seemed to struggle a bit with the weight of the basket that he carried. as he walked by me, everything about him made me smile - especially the unusual tune that he was whistling. it brought a smile to my face, and i seemed to forget my thoughts of being a loser. i grabbed the ingredient(s) i needed form that isle and proceeded to the next.
as i entered the next isle, so did he but from the opposite end. again, he brought a smile to my face. he was still whistling his tune. we passed each other, i gave him a smile and he gave me a nod and smiled with his eyes, all the while whistling. i got the ingredient(s) i needed.
by the third isle, i realized that as he entered it as well, from the opposite end, that something cosmic was occurring. something of a grand nature - as if the essence of God had manifested itself as this old man. it was a foreign state of mind for me. i had always denied myself the chance to feel the love of God in my heart. we passed each other again. he was still whistling. i felt that what i was doing was right, that if anything my efforts and intentions would be received positively by my lover.
the final isle brought again the meeting of the elderly gentleman, and by this point i was feeling an unbelievable glow in my body - a warmth that i had never felt before.
As i waited at the check out I stood tall and looked down the lanes at the other cashiers and patrons making their deals. I heard the whistling of that man, but could not see him - i had seen the last of him. but as i maintained my stance, there, in that short line-up the warm feeling started to grow until i felt a connection with everything surrounding me - the people, the objects, the sounds, the movement in the air, vibrations, the smells. It's as if a door of reality had been opened with little more than a regular visit to my local grocer.
to this day i remember that experience. I can only recall the memory of that warm, omnipresent-like feeling and i have never been able to reproduce it. It was truly a perfect moment from my life that i will never forget.
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